


The Same Old Story

by saffron_soul



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Advice, Comfort, Coming Out, Dorks, Ed doesn't know that being gay is a thing, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Panic Attack Mention, Post-Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Questioning, RoyEd Week, Trust, but its resolved so don't worry, discovering one's sexuality, experimenting, i hate these dorks, panic attack tw, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 14:29:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4308717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saffron_soul/pseuds/saffron_soul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Several years after the Promised Day, Ed is going through a personal crisis and comes to Roy for guidance. Little do they know that their stories are far too similar. Ed reaches a breakthrough, and Roy gets to experience it firsthand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Same Old Story

**Author's Note:**

> This was my submission for RoyEd week Day 2: Similarities/ Differences or Parallels. This is the only story I wrote for RoyEd week that has even like a little angst. Follow me on tumblr at [saffron-soul](saffron-soul.tumblr.com) for more RoyEd trash.

_This paperwork is going to kill me. They will find me at my desk, cold. The light, I can see the light…_

To his right, the telephone rings.  _Sweet, sweet salvation._

"General Mustang speaking."

"Roy?"

He freezes.  _That voice._  He hasn't heard it for many years. Sure, they've exchanged letters back and forth a few times. But after his last visit to Central before traveling west, there's been almost no contact between them.

"Ed?"

Pause. "Yeah, it's me. Uh, how're you doing?"

He stares at his desk in disbelief. Surely this can't be Ed. Ed is traveling the world, or back in Risembool starting a life with Winry, or with his brother enjoying peace together. Why would Ed have any business contacting him?

"I'm well, Ed. How are you? I haven't heard from you in, well, quite some time now."

"Yeah…" Ed sighs. "Listen, Mustang, I'm really sorry about that. I had other-"

"I'm not worried about it, or in any way mad. You had other stuff to get to. You don't have to explain yourself." Silence. "So, what's prompted you to call me today? Is everything okay?"

He can tell by the lack of conversation that something is wrong. There is something Ed isn't telling him, and he can hear the struggle in his voice. "I don't think things are okay right now. I just need some time… Listen, I'm on my way to Central as we speak; I'm at a payphone at a train station along the way. I have some shit I need to work out, and I really feel like I need to talk to you about it. I know we haven't talked in a while, but even though you're a bastard, I know you're a bastard I can trust."

 _Trust._  That was a very strong word. The trust of an Elric brother is a sacred bond. Something must really be wrong. "Of course you can trust me, Ed. Don't bother making hotel arrangements, I have a guest bedroom. You need to tell me, though: are you in any danger? Should I be worried about your safety?"

"You worry too much, Mustang. No, I'm in no danger. What's going on is more of a… personal deal? Al is fine, Winry is… fine. Everyone is safe and fine. I just, I need to talk to someone. And you're the only person I could think of."

Roy feels an immense lift of relief. "I am truly honored you would think of me so highly. I'm here for you, of course. When does your train arrive?"

"This evening, probably around six barring any delays."

"I will pick you up from the station."

"Roy, please don-

"Too late. I've made up my mind. I will see you at six."

"… Thank you." Roy hears a whistle in the background. "My train is about to leave, I'll see you later."

Before he can respond, he hears the click from the receiver. He puts his head in his hands. Something is wrong with Ed, to the point where he's taking a train straight to Central just to talk to him. His chest fills with worry and a need to squash whatever it is that is hurting Fullmetal.  _Is he sick? Did something happen with Winry or Al? Did he get himself into trouble? Why is he upset?_

He looks at the clock on his desk. He still has another five hours until Ed's train comes in. Looking to his paper-littered desk, he groans.  _How can I focus on this when Ed needs me for something? Can't the rest of the world wait?_

Six comes around very slowly for Roy. As soon as he pulls his car up to the curb at the station, he sees Edward come out of the building, towing a suitcase and looking miserable. Roy's heart cries. He steps out of his car and waves, signaling him over.

When Ed finally spots him, it looks as if the younger man lets out a breath he's been holding for days. He picks up his pace, reaching Roy and dropping his things to give him a hug.

Roy can feel his insides melt. He hasn't seen Ed this broken in so long. He's practically throwing himself onto him, gripping his shoulders tight as he tries to control his breathing. "Shhh, it's okay. I'm here. Everything is okay, Ed. You're safe."

"I missed you, bastard," he mumbles.

"I missed you too, brat."

They pull away, and Ed takes in a large breath to calm himself down. "Sorry I'm a wreck right now. I just got done with a panic attack in the train bathroom, so I'm still a bit shaky at the moment."

"Ah, one of those. It's been awhile since I've had one. Can bring the toughest men down to their knees." Roy picks up Ed's belongings and begins to put them in the back seat of his car.

Then, he takes a moment to look at Ed. In the four years or so since they've seen each other, Ed's really grown into a fine adult. He's much taller than he was before, only a couple of inches shorter than himself. His shoulders are broader, his features more pronounced. His hair is still relatively the same, except thrown into a ponytail in the back instead of a braid. He has ditched his leather trousers and red cloak for more sophisticated brown trousers, a white button-down, and a black vest. He's truly handsome, Roy must admit. He never could have expected that Ed would grow up this gracefully. "You must be eating Al out of house and home. I can't exactly call you short anymore."

"Please, he's the one doing all the eating. He's got at least a whole head on me. But he's always been taller, so I'm used to it I suppose."

They go around to their respective sides of the car and get in. Once Roy starts driving, he points to a bag sitting between them, making known that he has already taken the liberty of ordering takeout. By the smell of it, Ed guesses Cretan.

"You know me too well, Mustang."

The rest of the ride is quiet, but it's comfortable. Roy doesn't want to push Ed to talk before he has properly settled. Besides, the way Ed is looking out the window as the city goes by is devastatingly entrancing, and Roy wouldn't dare disturb him.

* * *

As soon as they get to the house, Roy wastes no time in trying to make Ed feel more at home. While Ed sorts out his things in the guest room, Roy takes out plates and glasses of water to the coffee table so they can sit on the couch and chat over dinner. He lights the fireplace before discarding his gloves. After removing his military jacket and overskirt, he portions the food on the plates just as Ed comes into the living room.

"I'll unpack later, I'm too damn hungry."

"There's the Ed I've been waiting for," he chuckles.

For a minute, they eat quietly. Roy observes that he's never spent this kind of time with Ed before. All of their interactions had always been loud and explosive. This quiet version of Ed's company is slightly unsettling, yet strangely comfortable. It's odd, but not unwelcome. "I'm really glad you're here, Ed. I'm sure the circumstances aren't ideal, but it really is good to see you."

"Have you told anyone else that I was coming?"

"Colonel Hawkeye, but only as a precaution. Now that I'm a General, I have constant security detail around my apartment that she is in charge of. I'm always sure to let her know when I have a guest. However, we won't tell anyone else unless you want us to. I didn't want to bombard you with people if you're not feeling well."

"You make it sound like I'm sick, jeez."

"Well, are you?"

There is a sizable pause before Ed puts down his utensils, thinking carefully. "I wouldn't say I am, at least not physically. But I feel… Roy, something's wrong. I think I'm broken."

 _You could never be broken. You're perfect._  "How so?"

"Before I dive right into this, I just want you to know that this shit is really hard for me to say. But over the years, I've learned that the best way to deal with anything is to put it right out in the open and just…" He makes a wild gesture with his arms to somehow symbolize dropping something heavy.

"I wouldn't expect anything else. I am not here to judge. I am here to support you. I care about whatever is going on with you, and whatever you need me to do I can do. Even if that means just lending an ear."

Ed takes a deep breath. "I'm not happy, Roy. In fact, I'm downright depressed. I, I can't think straight. Whenever I'm home, I…"

"Take your time. When did these feelings start?"

"After Al and I had mostly recovered back in Risembool, I felt this tiny pit in my stomach. I knew something wasn't exactly right, but because nothing was really wrong I ignored it. I went through the motions. I spent a lot of quality time with Al, and got back to being a family with him and Winry and Granny. Everything was more or less fine, but something was missing. After two years, Al and I decided that we were both itching for something, so we decided to travel, as you know. I spent a few years out west, and he went east."

"That's when you last visited, right before you left. You seemed fine then."

"And I was. Traveling really did help me. I got to figure out more about myself and about different cultures. It was an amazing experience. But throughout, something was still… not right."

By the look of Ed's face, Roy could tell the hard part was coming up. "And when you went home, I'm guessing that feeling multiplied?"

Ed takes a deep breath. "I love Winry. I really do. I would do anything for her. She is one of the most important people in my life. And yet, I can't…" He looks down, eyes closed and pained. "I can't be happy with her. Not in the way she wants, the way she deserves. I've tried so hard, and it kills me every time because I know that I just can't be with her that way."

Roy stays silent and waits for Ed to continue at his own pace.

"Part of the reason I came to you was because I know you have a lot of experience with women, and I just need to know what the hell is wrong with me."

To this, Roy almost laughs. "Ed, I think you overestimate my experience."

"Shut up, you're always talking about your dates and writing down names in your stupid black book. Don't pretend I don't hear about your conquests."

"Well I'm glad you hear about them, because that's the point. Ed, I know about romance, but my experience with women is… not what you think."

Ed quirks his eyebrow.

"Let me explain. Just as you have come here trusting me, I'm trusting you to not speak a word about what I'm about to tell you. An alchemist's secrets are sacred, and you know that." Ed's face becomes more riddled with confusion. "Those dates that you hear about? That's my code."

"Code? What fucking- wait. Oh shit."

"Yep."

"So you're not a womanizing asshole? You don't actually see those women?"

"I have womanized in the past, something I'm not proud of. And I do see the women that I discuss so publicly. But they aren't dates. They're more like… informants. My foster mother runs service that moonlights as a brothel, and the women there not only serve as valuable sources of information, and valuable friends might I add, but also as a code I have worked out with Colonel Hawkeye."

"You devious shithead. I knew it couldn't all be true."

"But even you, one of the few people in this world that knows me best, believed my facade."

Ed pauses. "Why did you tell me that? I'm honored you would trust me to keep that information, but now what if I decide to go through all your notes and decipher them? And about your foster mother. That's all really sensitive information, Mustang. We haven't seen each other in years."

"Edward, I know the most secret, most intimate details of your past. I've put my life in your hands several times, and I would again. You are an honorable man."

"Psh, 'honorable'. You don't know, what if I was corrupted by deviants in the west? You don't know if that honor is still in tact."

Smirking, he continues. "Well Ed, have you been corrupted?" Flushing, Ed looks away. "Truth be told, I am trusting you with sensitive information because you're a sensitive guy. You know what would happen if anything I just told you came out. Like we've established, we trust each other." He takes a few more bites of his food before continuing. "In truth, I don't go on nearly as many dates as I imply. Especially in the past few years, since my focus has been more on my career than anything else."

Ed shakes his head. "I can't fucking believe it. But what about Riza? You can't tell me that there's nothing between you two. Anyone with functioning eyes can see it."

Roy takes a sip of his water and continues. "What the Colonel and I have is a very special bond, yes. There's no one else in this world that I put my faith in more. We grew up together, and we know everything about each other. But, perhaps much like you and Winry, we do not share a romantic love for each other. I do love her, and she loves me, but romance is never a part of what we have. Humans are strange and have many different kinds of love. It's not always black and white in terms of dear friendship and romance."

"And… how did you go about figuring that out?"

When Roy looks over, he can see that Ed is completely vulnerable. Their stories, he realizes, are too similar. The pain in Ed's eyes is too familiar to the pain he felt what seems like a lifetime ago. "Military training. It was the first time I really fell in love with someone, and I instantly knew that whatever Riza and I had would never be that way. When you experience attraction like that, you know it's unmistakable." Roy tilts his head in fond remembrance. He was so young, it had hit him like a knife to the heart. "Unfortunately, the person I was in love with could not return my affections. After training and after the war, I tried to bury my feelings in women, but it never really went away. I couldn't shake the fact that I could be in love with someone I couldn't have, and simultaneously not be in love with someone so close to me."

"So you were kind of in my situation, huh? Except, I'm not really in love with anyone right now, but what you feel with Riza is the exact same as how I feel with Winry. And I feel so damn bad about it, I don't know what to do. I think I'm romantically broken. I've never felt love before. I mean, Winry and I, we've had…" Ed blushes, "…sex before but it wasn't-. That was part of how I knew I couldn't be with her like that. It never felt right."

"You know, some people are asexual or aromantic; there's an entire spectrum. They either don't feel romantic or sexual attraction, sometimes a combination or gradient of both."

"No, no that's not it. I want so badly to feel it, feel everything. I know that the potential is there for me, but I can't seem to unlock it. But whenever I picture my future, with a wife and kids and the picket fence, I feel like I'm suffocating. And I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. Isn't that everything me and Al fought for? To be happy and live normal lives?"

Roy takes a moment to consider something. "Ed, what I'm about to ask you, you cannot take as an insult. This is simple scientific curiosity."

"Okay…?" Ed tilts his head sideways.

"Have you ever considered that maybe the reason you can't picture yourself with a woman, is that maybe what you're looking for is… not a woman?"

"Come again?"

"Have you ever considered that you might be gay?"

His face freezes. Roy can see the gears turning in his head, thoughts whizzing by at a hundred miles an hour. Ed bites his lip, fist coming up to his chin for to rest on. He is thinking so hard that Roy wants to start laughing.

 _Has he really never even thought about it?_  "Ed, you're going to combust. Stop thinking for a moment. Here, close your eyes. I want you to imagine something."

"Okay," Ed responds, sitting up straight and closing his eyes.

"I want you to picture yourself at your wedding. Your future bride is smiling at you, tears in her eyes. You lift up her veil and kiss her, promising to spend your life with her forever."

He can see how upset Edward is getting even imagining such a thing. "I feel trapped, Roy. I can't-"

"Just wait. Now, erase that picture from your mind. Now you're at your wedding again, but instead of a bride staring at you, there's a groom. Handsome as ever, looking at you with all the love in his heart. You grab his chin and kiss him, promising to be his forever."

Roy watches carefully as Ed considers this new scenario. His face seems calmer. He even smiles for a brief moment. He opens his eyes and pales. "Holy shit."

"Yep."

"So I'm not broken. I'm not romantically fucked in the head. I'm just gay!" Ed grabs his head like he's just seen the Truth for a fourth time.

"You honestly cannot tell me you have never considered the possibility before."

"I can honestly say that until this very moment, I have never even given a thought to it. I didn't know that was one of my options! I can be gay? I can do that?" His eyes are wide, and his breathing erratic.

"A lot of people are gay, Edward. And a lot of people are pretty okay with it. Sure, it's not something people talk about a lot but at least in our country we have the right to marry and raise families."

"Well I mean yeah but… wait, 'we'?"

"Ed, I was in love with Maes. I feel almost no attraction to women. I'm gay."

Silence. "Everything makes so much more sense now, I am such an idiot."

"For a genius, you are pretty slow on the uptake."

"Shut the fuck up! This is a huge deal! I just figured out that I'm not a robot incapable of feelings! Not saying that people who are, what did you say, asexual? Aromantic? Not to say they're robots! But like, they don't feel the potential for love and sex with others like a treasure hidden behind a pane of bullet-proof glass. Having those feelings but not being able to deal with them at all, is just-. And-" All of a sudden Ed looks at Roy. And  _really_  looks.

It's as if every hormonal impulse he should have had as a teenager is coming to him all at once, and they're all about Roy Mustang, one of his dearest friends sitting just a few feet from him. Then, he clenches his eyes shut.  _Imagine your lips on his. What does Roy Mustang taste like? Imagine him pinning you up against a wall, and…_  He whines out loud, trying to come to terms with all of the feelings that just punched him in the face.

"Tell me what you're thinking about," says Roy.

"You really, really don't want to know. Just let me process for a second."  _Okay, Ed, think about this logically. You're gay. It cannot be more abundantly clear that you, in fact, like men. Roy, General Bastard No Good Mustang, is also gay. Both of these things are huge revelations in your life. Roy is hot. You've always known he's hot. How did you know he was hot before but didn't know it at the same time? You always pissed him off to cover up the fact that you think his stupid smirk is hotter than the flames he keeps at his fingertips. Here he is, being incredibly nice to you as you have your quarter life crisis on his couch, trusting you with some of his biggest secrets. And now he knows one of yours. But none of that matters, because he's Roy. He's the bastard you've known and put your faith in for a large portion of your life. He doesn't judge you, Ed. You care about him, and he cares about you. But not in the same way that you tried to be with Winry. Oh god, it's the same old story. No, Ed, you're not helpless. Do something about this. You are in control._

"Ed, I can assure you you're thinking too hard about something. Just-"

"IthinkIhaveacrushonyou," he mumbles.

And Roy hears it, clear as day. And his heart stops. But he can't help but ask, "What was that?"

And Ed turns to look at him. Roy sees his expression change from terrified to deadly in an instant. The realization strikes him in the chest: Ed has an idea.  _This cannot end well for me._  "This is for science, Roy," he says, moving towards his side of the couch.

 _This is it. This is the end. Edward Elric, the steel boy turned golden man, is going to kill me. Oh what a happy way to go._  "Well, if it's for science I can't really arg-" Before he can finish, Ed has climbed onto his lap, placed his hands behind Roy's head, and is staring into his eyes inches away from his face, unmoving.

For the first time, Ed feels the electricity. He feels the intimacy that he's been lacking in his life, and he craves with every inch of his being for more. "I need to ask before I do this, Roy. Can I kiss you?"

Roy smirks. "I don't know, Fullmetal. Can you?"

"You bastar-" This time, it's Roy's turn to cut him off. He claims Ed's lips as his own, and Ed immediately groans, feeling his body melt against Roy's.  _This is it. This is what I was missing. I'm whole again._  "Fucking  _hell_  yes," he breathes, hardening the kiss between them and grinding himself down.

"Ed, fuck," Roy groans. Being kissed by Ed is nothing like Roy would have ever imagined. And he had never really imagined it before, but the feeling is like kissing the sun. Everything is too hot, too hot to even stand. He feels as if a ring of fire is dancing around them, getting closer each passing second threatening danger. And Ed is the human embodiment of danger. But he feels so infinitely safe with him in his arms that he's more than comfortable stoking the flames.

Before they are both burned into oblivion, Ed pulls back, again only inches away from Roy's face. "I fucking  _love_  science."

And as Roy stares into Ed's eyes, now lit in a golden inferno, he can't help but think,  _And I fucking love_ you _._  But he tucks that thought away for another day and continues to ravish the sun.

* * *

The next morning, Ed wakes up facing Roy on his obnoxiously fluffy bed. Feeling Roy's hand on his hip, he panics, forgetting what they had done the previous night. But once he sees that he's fully clothed in his pajamas, he remembers that there's nothing to worry about. Roy had been insistent on waiting to do anything else until things settled a bit in Ed's mind, which Ed is now grateful for. But he couldn't resist some post-makeout cuddling, which places him here. He sees Roy's eyelids start to stir as he struggles to fight the morning light.  _Fuck, I could get used to that sight._

When Roy finally opens his eyes, the first thing he sees is a smiling, sleepy-eyed Edward. At this moment, he decides to visit a cardiologist because his heart has stopped way too many times in the past twenty-four hours to be safe. "Good morning, Ed."

And Ed smiles more. "Good morning, Roy."


End file.
